“Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18 NLT)

Silence is golden. The famous words of wisdom passed through the years. You know… open your ears, not your mouth… put a sock in it… or I love how my sister says it: zip your lip, chip! But there are times when silence isn’t so golden.

My last blog post (see link at the bottom for Shine Jesus Well) focused on Christians hurting other Christians on social media. I ended it with encouragement for the Christian who may be suffering through some hurtful actions of others.

But I want to piggyback on that post. Because after I posted it, I felt God leading me to encourage the Christian on the other side of the hurt. To the one who’s causing the hurt.

And most of the time, we cause hurt through our words.

And you’ve probably heard this analogy before, but the truth it carries is just too good not to share…

Our words are like toothpaste. Once we squeeze them out of our mouth, they are not going back in.

They are out there my friend. And digital words are far more dangerous than verbal ones, because they are saved, shared and can be used against us.

Our words can evolve from a place of anger, hurt and/or frustration. But there are other times when we open up our mouths wide and SHOVE in our foot simply because we feel the need to interject into a conversation to say whatever comes to our mind.

But whatever inspires our hurtful words, here they are hanging in the balance between… do we apologize or not?

For some of us, genuinely saying I’m sorry comes easy. But for others, there are no two harder words to say which inevitably ushers in a silence that isn’t so golden.

So why is apologizing so hard?

Pride

Pride says… we don’t need to apologize.

And in our heads we check the list of reasons of why we don’t have to:

• We’re justified in what we said
• They don’t deserve my apology
• No way I’m going to lower myself and admit I was wrong

But there’s one word that’s really hiding behind this list… FEAR.

Fear says… How am I going to look if I apologize? And what if they don’t accept my apology?

And so it begins. This fearful pride keeps us silent. But by simply staying silent, we partner up with the enemy against both ourselves and the ones we hurt.

Pride has no room on our path we walk with Christ. We may feel high and mighty for a little while, but Christ is the One who ultimately reigns in the high seat. Pride over time will litter our path with guilt and shame when we choose silence, whether we admit it to ourselves or not.

And what does our prideful silence do to our sister in Christ? Her path becomes littered with pain and discouragement. Oftentimes it’s this pivotal moment of our continued silence where she may start to breed an unwanted, yet bitter unforgiveness in her heart.

We are not here to block the path of others or ourselves.

So sisters it’s time to pick up our shovels and start clearing the debris off both of our paths.

And by ourselves, it’s a long, tough climb down off the platform of pride to reach the humble ground of Christ. But as believers, when we trust in Christ and His abilities (Philippians 4:13 NLT), we know He can quickly collapse the pride platform that lives in our hearts.

Here’s a few verses from Scripture that capture just how important peace, humbleness and reconciliation are to God.

• “God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.” (Matthew 5:9 NLT)
• “So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple, and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.” (Matthew 5:23-24)
• “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18 NLT)
• “And He gives grace generously. As the Scriptures say, ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’ “(James 4:6 NLT)

While these verses speak God’s design of being humble and peaceful, my fave is Matthew 5:23-24. This verse shows just how serious God is. He is willing to put our sacrifice to Him on temporary hold because reconciliation is far more important to Him.

If it bothers God, it should bother us.

And I hope we are bothered by our words and actions. God calls us to “aim for harmony… to build each other up.” (Romans 14:19 NLT)

Social media in 2020 has unofficially invited all of us to join its debate team. It sparks an all day long opportunity for callous words, criticism and snarky comments to be shared. But let’s be sisters who don’t get ourselves caught up in the growing trend.

And if we do hurt our sister in Christ?

First, we should apologize to God.

God longs for us to share in His quality of humility. And a genuine apology to God will reveal our imperfections and the humble relationship we share with Him — a daughter who desperately needs the forgiveness and guidance of her loving Father.

Then, we’re able to apologize to our sister.

Let’s picture her face. Can we envision telling her we were wrong; that we’re sorry?

And if we’re not there quite yet?

We need to pray hard and ask the Holy Spirit to help us reach this crucial step. He will.

And what if she doesn’t accept our apology? Truth is… she might not.

But, we will be at peace when we’ve cleared our path and offered to clear hers. If she doesn’t allow us to pick up the shovel? Well… that’s between her and the Lord now. And we must never stop praying about the situation. God and time have healed many relationships.

So let’s choose our words wisely. And when we open our mouth and shove in our foot, let’s be pro-active in using the right words to break the silence. Even if that means leaving the altar of sacrifice before God and running to find our sister for reconciliation.

Dear Heavenly Father, we come to You and seek Your character of humility so we can shine Your Son well. And when we fall short, as we sometimes do, help us not to engage into a silence that isn’t so golden. Lord work within our hearts to quickly flush out pride and fear so we can apologize to the ones we’ve hurt and dig up the root of unforgiveness. Please provide us with Your spiritual shovel so we can begin to clear off the debris not only on our path, but the path of our sisters. And Lord we ask you to speak into the heart and souls of the ones who simply can’t forgive us because we still love her with a Jesus kind of love. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.