“Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.” (Proverbs 22:6) NLT

I hate family tension. Those times when conversations become a bit heated and drama seems to invade out of nowhere. Times when we’re misunderstood or not being heard like we desperately expect.

I’m a peacemaker by design, so with every ounce of my being I urgently want to drive tension right out the door and invite normalcy and calm back inside again. Sometimes that works, but oftentimes drama could care less about my urgency.

Every time I read the story of Elijah’s cave hiding adventure in 1 Kings 19, it pulls on my heart strings. Because when I feel the grip of tension, and peace is nowhere in sight, I have this strong tendency to dart away to my room (my cave). And there’s NOTHING I do that irritates my husband and son more.

My cave-hiding days started in my teenage years as I’d hit those stairs as my escape route. Escaping to a future tear-soaked pillow as I bawled to God with all my anger, hurt, frustration, and self-pity.

So when my what-seemed-so-normal-kind-of-Sunday afternoon was heading south quickly, I could hear the stairway calling my name.

We’d just heard an amazing sermon, everyone was in a great mood, and then BAM… tension and raised voices began out of nowhere between my husband and son. I can’t remember what started it, let alone what it was about.

Trying to intervene and play devil’s advocate, because that’s what we peacemakers do, I quickly discovered I was getting nowhere fast.

So what did I do? I started lacing up my proverbial shoes of course, feeling like Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride, and ready to hit those stairs to my room when God brought me to a screeching halt.

I felt Him say… Before you take one step away, you need to take a step forward and embrace your boys.

A bit stunned, yet no less obedient, I embraced my boys pulling us into a group hug right in the middle of their squabble and we prayed as a family.

The argument ceased immediately. Why? Because it was stupid… it was pointless… it was straight from the enemy, and prayer brought peace.

And you know what? It’s a fantastic feeling to embrace and pray, rather than my usual vanishing Houdini moments.

This is something I’m working on because I would never want my son to make a fast exit to avoid the not-so-comfortable-moments. And if it’s not ok for him, then it’s not ok for me.

Friends, our examples as parents and yes, grandparents too, are the paradigm for our families. And I love this quote I stumbled upon based around our Scripture verse in Proverbs 22:6.

“There is just one way to bring up a child in the way he should go and that is to travel that way yourself.”

Author unknown

There’s such a deep truth in this statement, but balancing our own spiritual growth journey while parenting is often messy at best. It’s where we sometimes find ourselves traveling paths we never intended to take. And these traveling feet of mine are working on re-training them to stay put in those not-so-comfortable-moments.

None of us will be graced with the perfect parent or grandparent award. But it’s never too late to instill changes that reflect into the lives of our children no matter how old they are; no matter how old we are.

So I started examining all areas of my walk with the Lord and asking myself these questions:

• My attitude… is it positive or negative?
• My actions… does my son see Jesus in my life? See me reading my Bible? Hear me pray beyond dinner? Is church important in my life?
• My reactions… am I running away to sulk in my cave or am I taking a step forward in prayer to thwart the enemy attack on our family?
• My words… are they gracious or critical?
• How I serve… am I all about myself or do I help others?
• My fruit… am I exuding love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control?

If my son never hears me pray, is prayer going to be part of his daily life?

If he never sees me read my Bible, is it going to be important to him to read his daily?

If church is an afterthought, will he take his own family one day?

If my attitude, my actions and reactions, my words, my service, or my fruit do not exude the character of Jesus, then what road am I traveling? Certainly not the one I want him on.

So what happens when we find ourselves off-roading away from Jesus?

We take a step forward and embrace our family. We apologize. We pray together.

And as we seek His path again? Just know our Good Shepherd is patiently waiting. And He only needs an outstretched hand to re-route the feet of His sheep.

Heavenly Father, the children in our lives are a precious gift from You. Our intentions are to always direct their steps onto Your path through our actions, but sometimes we lose sight of where we’re traveling. Forgive us Lord. Take hold of our hand and lead our feet back to Your path. In Jesus’ name, Amen.