“There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:13) NLT

I absolutely refused to read the details of Jesus’ arrest and crucifixion. As a young Christian, it was beyond enough squirming in a pew just hearing each word showcasing His agony like… mocked, whipped, spit on, beaten, and nailed. And then to hear how He never protested once during His trial and questioning.

I just didn’t understand… Jesus, why didn’t You defend Yourself? Why did You remain silent?

Because the bleeding-heart human side of me struggles with all things unjust in the world. Yes, I believed Jesus was God in the flesh, but I also knew He was equally human too. And all I could feel was the injustice rising up inside my chest.

But years ago as I began to root deep into a relationship with Jesus, the Holy Spirit compelled me to pull out my Bible and read the grisly details myself. It wasn’t easy for me.

And just last week, He led me to an in-depth study from the garden to the grave in all four gospel accounts. And it’s not any easier now.

With each and every page I’ve turned through the years, my eyes well to the brim with tears again and again and again as I empathize with the humanity of the Savior of the World:

• His troubled heart as He looked ahead to His arrest and death
• As He prayed for the cup to pass from Him if it be His Father’s will
• Sweating so intently it manifested drops of blood on an otherwise chilly evening
• Looking into the eyes of Judas and feeling his kiss of betrayal on His cheek
• Hearing the third denial He knew was coming as He gazed across a fire looking deep into Peter’s eyes
• Feeling every crushing thump and slap against His body, the thick, warm spit running down His face, the tear of His flesh as a Roman scourge ripped open His back, the piercing pressure of a crown of thorns gouging His head, and the draping of a purple robe of mockery around His shoulders
• Hearing the crowds taunt Him with words of mockery… Save thyself and come down from the cross
• Beholding His weeping mother’s anguish as He arranged a new earthly mother-son communion with His beloved disciple John right before He took His last breath

This heart-wrenching week of reading all four accounts, tipped my well of tears and left me copiously weeping. Weeping as the Spirit unfolds before me the Triune God deep within the Savior of the World:

• He knew this was His ordained moment, the reason He left the glories of heaven, as He gathers His sleepy disciples to go meet Judas and the Sanhedrin
• With compassion coming only from the Prince of Peace, He instantly heals Malchus’ ear when Peter cut it off
• Still reeling from all the physical pain He endured as a human being, He willingly chose the steps along the Via Dolorosa
• He possessed the power of God to call in a legion of angels at any time to remove Him from the cross but He proved He was the Son of God by remaining on the cross
• His selflessness exuded forth as He forgave the thief next to Him despite His own suffering
• He begged the Father to forgive His betrayers and executioners as they mocked Him from below
• His agony surpassed physical death to the spiritual separation from His Father for the very first time in His life

So why didn’t He defend Himself? Why did He remain silent? Why did He go to the cross?

He did it for you; He did it for me; He did it for all!

Only our Savior could save us from our sins.

Only our Redeemer could redeem our relationship with God.

Only our Defender could defend us from our accuser.

Only our Way could pave the way to eternal life in heaven.

Only our Chain-breaker could break the chains of the enemy’s strongholds.

Only our Lamb of God could close His eyes and see His sacrifice for all mankind from past to future.

He saw us then and He sees us now.

So we can look at Judas and realize there is nothing worth selling out Jesus for.

Look at Peter and know that restoration is just another campfire away.

Look at the thief on the cross and know there is still hope for our loved ones to make a salvation decision in their last remaining hours.

But most of all, to look at Him and accept His gift of salvation as He surrendered fully at the cross for me and for you.

Most Easters in the past, I only focused on celebrating the hope in His resurrection. I avoided the gruesome details of His death. I hit fast forward to bypass the somberness of silent Saturday so I could move straight to the empty tomb — the happy part.

But the Lord has taught me the happy parts only come after facing the hard parts of life. He knew I needed to face every grim detail of His sacrifice for me.

Because when we grasp what our Savior did for us in His darkest hours, it becomes our source of strength to forge ahead through our darkest hours for His sake.

So this Easter I’m celebrating the whole story… from the garden to the grave… to the silence of Saturday… so I can land my heart of thanks at the empty tomb of His Resurrection on Sunday- Praise You Jesus!

Dear Jesus, I pray it never becomes “easy” for me to read Your story from the garden to the grave. Lord, I’m not worthy and I don’t deserve it but thank You for laying down Your life for me. You are truly Mighty to Save. In Jesus’ name, Amen.